.png)
If you’ve ever had to experience losing a loved one, my deepest sympathies are with you. Some people who have gone through the grieving process may describe it as an emotional roller-coaster. There are many emotional highs, lows, twists, and spins that you go through sometimes all in the same day. You may ask, “When will this pain ever end?” Some people may also feel like they are doing just fine and do not recognize the symptoms of grief that they are actually experiencing. The pain felt while going through the grieving process varies from person to person, and it’s important to allow yourself some grace as you progress through each step. If you’ve lost a loved one, this blog is specifically for you. I invite you to continue reading as we walk through the five steps of the grieving process, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Denial
When a person initially finds out about the loss of a loved one, the feelings of denial and shock help to cope with the event. Some people notice that they have no feelings at all and are completely numb. Others may completely deny that the event happened at all. Denial helps to pace your feelings of grief. It’s a natural defense mechanism that helps you accept your new reality as you are ready to. Attempt to stop fighting the reality that you face. Eventually, the true feelings that you have will come to the surface, which can lead to the next step, which is anger.
Anger
Once you are no longer in denial, you may find yourself angry. You can redirect your anger towards friends, family, and if you were praying really hard for your loved one’s survival before they passed away—God can also become a target. Anger is a natural response, and it’s important not to suppress it so that you don’t stay stuck there. Allow yourself to express and deal with your anger in healthy ways such as exercising, meditation, reading uplifting scriptures and affirmations, using a punching bag, writing, or any forms of creativity. If you are having a hard time processing your anger (or any steps of the grieving process) in a way that is not harmful to you or others, be sure to reach out for help.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34)
Bargaining
This is the step of the process where you may promise God that things about you will change if something could miraculously happens. Or you may rehearse how you could have done things differently so that the event would have never happened. Such as, making an appointment to find and remove cancer before it was too late, or canceled a trip to avoid a car accident from happening. In this stage, people feel helpless and hope they could influence the current outcome in a better way. Sometimes in our lives we realize that regardless of our best efforts, things may not always work out the way we hoped for. Once we come to grips with this painful reality, we give ourselves the opportunity to heal and grow.
Depression
At this point in the grieving process, you may realize that bargaining is no longer an option. Things are settling and the feelings of grief may feel overwhelming and unavoidable. Some may isolate themselves and reach out to people even less than they were before. This stage is natural, but it’s important that you don’t stay in isolation and reach out for support.
Acceptance
Accepting the loss of a loved one does not mean that you no longer feel the pain of the loss. In this stage, your feelings somewhat stabilize and you readjust to your new normal. You may choose to reconnect with people and build new relationships. You may even revisit other stages of the grieving process from time to time, which is completely normal. Eventually, the good days will outnumber the bad as time progresses.
As a person of faith, it could be challenging to pray and not see the outcome that you hoped for come to pass. This is something that many have struggled with, and have to process at their own pace. In the anger stage of the grieving process, many people become angry with God. Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 explains that “there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot”. Verse 4 continues by explaining that there’s “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Each of us all has our own walk, time and seasons under heaven, and that’s a hard reality for many to accept. Regardless of the circumstances, always keep in mind that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).
With love, and lots of hugs from the Little Virtuosities Community.
Comments